As we moved from the trials of breastfeeding, toilet training, sibling rivalry and school selection, one thing remained: it was good to have the camaraderie of others in the same situation.
It's true that the intensity of the mother's group lessened when our first children started school. Suddenly, there were new timetables, new friends and new demands. Our children were by and large at different schools, some opting for private, others for catholic and others for different local state schools. Yet in these early primary school years, we continued to meet for a monthly dinner.
This was as much about us as our children. Who'd done a recent renovation? Bought new furniture? Gone back to the gym and finally lost the baby weight? Perhaps surprisingly, given the national statistics, we didn't count divorce or separation in the conversation, although one of the group was diagnosed with a serious illness.
As our children grew, so did the friendships, and inevitably, the drop-off rate of attendances at dinners. But now my eldest is going to secondary school next year, is the group still relevant? In fact – is it still there?
Yes and no. I have remained friends as I guess you do, with the women I have most in common with, such as the energetic Italian lawyer who is now a mum of three and looking for a business of her own. That's because two high flying lawyers in a family mean problems with child care.
The Golden Gate Mothers' Group is way ahead. Who'd not find it easy to be a San Fran 'mom' when this group: "facilitates playgroups for our members with children in the same age range, mothers of the same work status and families in the same neighborhoods." They also have specialized playgroups based on a variety of factors and interests."
In Melbourne, count yourself lucky if you get assigned to the local maternal health centre group. If you move into the area after your baby is a certain age, it's fend for yourself time. Hence, we had several "ring-in's" of lonely mums we met at playgroups.
A desperate soul, recently arrived from the UK with a toddler, new baby and a PhD in psychology, got smart and joined five mothers' groups to see which fitted the best. Now, that's taking matters into your own hands!
Last week, one of the mums in my mothers' group hosted a Tupperware party, for a cousin starting out in the business. Did I need more storage containers? No. Did I want to see other mums again and have a glass of bubbly? Yes!
When I arrived, none of the usual mother's group was there. It didn't matter – I was happy to mingle with a different group of mums, because we had one thing in common. We had children, and when you're in the paid workforce, you don't get to connect outside the school gate when the bell goes.
You miss out on those vital conversations; how do you get your kids to do piano practice? What if they won't eat meat? What films are they allowed to see; are they still doing gym and swimming and – after a few glasses of bubbly – how much action are you getting with your husband?
One woman paid a babysitter so she could come to the Tupperware party. She didn't need anymore plastic, either. Another brought home made cake to share. Alas all I contributed was conversation and the observation maybe more women would have attended if the items for sale were adult toys. Though as my friend suggested – there are so many things you can do with Tupperware in your house. (And you do need somewhere to store the toys).
It was a great group of women, so what if it was Tupperware that brought us together? Though then again, someone was very interested in obtaining the same color lids for her vast collection so it all matched – so maybe some did come for the "Store 'N More".
I had so much fun I was one of the last to leave. I found myself drinking a rather unusual Tupperware cocktail made from a litre of softened icecream, tropical fruit drink and sparkling wine, which of course got everyone talking about things other than "pantry storage systems".
I listened as two women chatted about how their waters broke and the rush into hospital with their first child – pause and laughter as they knew now that labour would take perhaps all day and there was no hurry.
Having had two planned caesareans because both were high-risk births, I had nothing to contribute. It suddenly reminded me of that day nearly 12 years ago, when I gathered with a group of mothers at the local maternal health centre.
We were all so inexperienced at motherhood, and somewhat shell shocked. I still vividly recall the nurse asking us to relay our birth stories and feeling like a complete failure as one after the other the other women spoke of their "normal and natural" births.
What I did discover down the track was that a normal pregnancy and birth do not mean easy sailing when it comes to parenting.
For instance, the woman I met at the Tupperware party. Sure, she managed to have a "natural" birth, but her son was born with an undiagnosed heart condition, and she spent four months with him in hospital as he had rounds of surgery.
She has to monitor his condition every day and even a playground scrape could lead to an infection that would weaken his compromised heart. I counted my blessings, and stopped that automatic fretting I get about being a failure because I was high-risk.
In fact, I was reminded yet again of what one father said when I interviewed him for Handle With Care. His wife nearly died in the first pregnancy, and I asked him; why try for another baby in the face of her blood clotting condition?
"Life is risk", he said. "We either embrace it and live, or we live in fear."
The next day, I found a Tupperware egg separator in my handbag when I was at work; a party gift from the night before. I smiled – storage solutions or not, it's good to connect with women who are on the same journey.
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